BEWARE SENSITIVE INFORMATION
I haven't had a good night sleep in over 2 weeks. Why you ask? What could cause this displacement of my normal sleep pattern? Well that would be the disturbing class I have been taking; Sexual Assault Counseling. Yes, that is correct..The material is at most graphic but the sheer nature of the entire concept is horrifying. I found myself thinking of ways to help young adults on college campus's, young children have an outlet for when a family member does the unspeakable. Just a way to help those that need it the most.
How up until recently (80's) this was even reported. It does affect mostly women but do not misunderstand it does in fact happen to MEN as well. Statistically, men do not report as much as women do for fear and personal reasons. Image if there was a law or place that individuals could go to get the help needed by other survivors; victims who themselves have one through similar not the same but similar situations. There are more than there were a few years ago but still the hidden question in most minds is "Did it really happen". I hate it when people say did you see what she was wearing, or she was drunk and asking for it. I ask you who asks for it?? I get livid and go off the handle when I hear that. It does not matter what a female was wearing, doing, saying..it does not matter. In the class I did learn of a new law that was very interesting and I am sure that most people would not be aware of it. If someone is drunk or has been drinking they cannot consent. Therefore, it would be considered a felony if doing so.
I have personal knowledge and have "been in their" shoes so to speak. And mostly the reason for why I am the way I am now is because of those circumstances. Now what I went through is not as bad as what some young girls go through or women. But it gives some insight on what your mind and body go through. The wall you put up, the not being able to trust so easily, etc.
The class has brought up some issues and dealing with those feelings and reliving it each night has gotten me to wake up punching the air. YES punching the air. I get a frightened breathe and then start hitting the air. Luckily for me I had a great support system with both parents on board and helping me. But in reality I was not believed by anyone but my parents and they were alone. I never felt that it was my fault or guilt in anyway. As an adult today I still think about running of them with my car over them but I digress. I have done my best to move forward and thank my guardian angel for helping with the progress. It hasn't been until this class that I felt I needed to go talk to someone other than my parents. Possibly a professional to work at getting me to trust a little more easily. I have spoken about this to others including additional family members. They were shocked and dismayed by what I told them and promised to keep what happened and who it involved to themselves. No reason to bring it up when I no longer involve myself with that part of the family. I no longer see those people but when I do I become another person. Very rude, harsh and hatred oozes out of me. Karma has caught up with them and I will let GOD sort them out in the end.
I felt the need to share this because maybe someone will read this and think I should report because it may someone out later down the road. Keep in mind this is a snippet for I have put a lot of effort in forgetting the details.
Thanks for listening
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