Just keeps gettin better

I went for the very first time yesterday for an MRI. Let me tell you first that it is not a great experience. Not because the tech was a moron or that she had the personality of a wet knap. The fact that I went there very naive thinking that it would be just like a xray. No one let me say that again NO ONE said that I would be still for 1.5 hrs in the most uncomfortable position and when your done the pain is even worse.

I have a great deal of procedures this past 6 months and not one has been great or even decent. From the xray tech who thought it would be fun to shove metal plates under me without lifting my leg or foot first, maneuvering my ankle area 189 degrees the opposite way its supposed to go and don't forget the position that was unnecessary because the doctor didn't ask you for that part of my body.

Then there was the fabulous ultrasound lady who stabbed me repeatedly with the tip of the equipment. And you would think OW meant something but no it meant press harder next time. Saying sorry just meant "I am giving you fair warning I am going to do it again and again until you can't stand it and want to stand up and punch me in the face type of pain".

I can say without a doubt that I hate KAISER. The customer service is a joke and the patient first is just a phrase they use means nothing.

I have been in pain since before August. Went to my primary MD for help and she sent me to Xray person 1 who after hearing about my problem took her time and was actually nice. Of course nothing was found and she just put me on meds. When I went back cause the pain got worse she said that she would have to send me to a specialist. Well after a month of waiting in pain and my level was about a 15, he said you have this. Ok fix it. So 1 cord ozone shot and a few pain meds later, ahh relief. Just kidding for about a week I had minor pain it didn't go away fully but just enough to were I could walk.

Then one morning I woke up in the most horrible pain, crying and really couldn't stand it any longer. Had to threaten the doctor and he referred me to a different specialist. So here I am 6 + months later and they have no clue. I am on partial disability and in pain ALL THE TIME. I don't take the pain meds unless I can't stand it (no addiction for me) and try to work through it as much as possible.

I have done what they ask loose weight, well due to the pain I was unable to eat and tahdah lost weight. This long winded story brings me back to yesterday and the moron tech for the MRI. I am a bit nervous because what if they find nothing and I have to live with this or they find something that is well BAD. So along with me I choose to have you play the waiting game with me.

No matter what I am going to get better and my body has a limited time to do it. I am not living like this with my life on hold.

A day in the life

I was going to do A day in the life of me but right know its really boring and repetitive. So instead I am going to give props to April at April Showers.

A Day in the LIFE

Thanks to April from April Showers (see above) who BTW is awesome and so much fun to follow. I am going to do a day in life of ME. Why because I can!!


12:30 pm Wake up because pain med stopped working. Take another pill and turn on bad TV.

2:00 am Finally fall asleep

4:30 am Wake up again pain med stopped again. Take another pill and watch bad TV. Roll over to other bad side and try and sleep.

7:30 am Alarm goes off. TIME to go get ready for work.

7:30-8:0 am-Get ready for work.

8:00 Leave for work. Don't forget to grab protein shake for breakfast.

8:31 am Arrive at work

8:45-12:30 Search internet and try do some work if possible. Check emails, blogs, facebook, etc..

12:30 Leave to run errands.

2:00 pm Arrive at home.

2:30pm finally get hunger eat fruit and put heating pad on side while in bed.

2:30-5:00pm Read and watch TV. Take meds for pain.

5:00-10:00 pm continue until fall asleep. Repeat the waking up and restless sleep.

Wow that was boring. Being on bed rest sucks.

My lucky charms

I have the worst luck in every aspect and I wish I could could it around. A few years ago someone told me "if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all". I have to say that is of the utmost truth when it comes to my life. I have had leg pain that the doctors have no idea what is wrong and am on partial disablity which I hate. I feel like a quiter which I am not in the least. So I am trying to make my own luck. Still looking for my perfect job, moving to a new town and starting my life. At this moment in time my life is not on hold but I am very limited. So I thought about changing things like going to the gym everyday (have to start after MRI) and working on me.

I have been reading and really enjoying my family. I have been talking to my mom a lot more and realizing what great people I have in my life.

1st week

Just finished my first week of classes. This topic is very sensitive and a great deal of my feelings have resurfaced. I noticed when talking to certain individuals they answers were exactly what I you should not say and others didn't know what to say.

The nightmares have returned and I must say that when I start them again and change my firs outcome I wake up feeling empowered.

After class on Saturday I felt exhausted because of the material content but some reason I still felt that I could take on the world. I wanted to do so much to help others that what happened to me seemed an after thought. This was the time to act and really absorb all the material and do the best I can to help.

I must say that having a strong teacher who has such passion an emotional interest in the material really makes others step up to the plate and become part of the solution instead of the quiet majority.

So 1st week down and 2nd week here you come.

So long chocolate

After a long battle with myself I have to give up chocolate, and this is not because of trying to loose the weight. It has to do with Allergies, that's right allergies. I have also given up peanut butter which is sad as well. Those together what a combo. I can talk forever about that combo but alas I must bid farewell.

My friends would say after a bout with hives; "stop eating peanuts, your only making it worse" or "No give me that it has NUTS!" so for those caring individuals I say thank you and I have finally taken the wise advice you administered to me.

Now if only I could give up Mountain Dew......

Empty kleenex box

On the way driving in to work I thought of a lot of things to write about; however at this moment I couldn't tell you what they were.

So how about this for an improv.

There is not a way to put this delicately without hurting someone's feelings or make them anger so I just going to say how I think it should be said. After really thinking about the people out there this past Holiday Season and the Seasons past that had to deal with things that really in my life they may seem major are minor blips on there screen is almost comical.

There are two kids who come to mind. They both have severe disabilities and are in constant need of something however there smiles tell such happiness and laughter that you sit there (without crying) what strong people their mothers are raising. I realized two things as I was taking their picture with Santa and the families 1)How blessed I should feel 2)Although they are sick and need assistance you would never know that by looking at them. So why do I stress about the little things when it could be so much worse.

At that moment I knew that my plan to adopt is going to come true but will have to wait until I am ready all the way around. I also feel that I am going to help at home first (meaning in USA).

So today if you are one of the lucky ones who has a happy and healthy child. Please feel blessed and hug your child. That hug will mean more than you know I have seen the results.

Green post it's

I would first like to that the person or people who invented Post its, this invention has saved me from forgetting some very important things. Plus my To DO lists are on pretty paper that stick to things sort of like tieing a bow around your finger to remember.

This has been a crazy week for me and it is only going to get worse. Yet somehow I am ok with that. The hustle and bustle of being busy and not because its work but spending time with friends and just enjoying myself. I have finished my first book of the year. The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan and must say was surprised. I haven't read a book since re-reading Breakdown that I was excited to read the continued books. I have a few authors that I love and well I still am in waiting for their next ones so to kill time I have picked up a "child's" book but enjoyed the storytelling. After all that is what you pick a book up for, to be immersed into a different world. At least I do and with The Lightning Thief I was completely in that world, in fact I remembered stuff from my Greek mythology class I took over 5 years ago. So today I pick up the remaining books and dive into the world of Satyrs and Gods.

On not such a great note my leg irritation has come back, and I am not going to say pain because it is nothing like it was just a constant "Hello you still have bursitis and its not going away" type of irritation. I really do not know what to do, my leg is still very swollen and I can no longer just sit around, by 6 pm every night my leg is done and pain is no longer an irritant but a knife driving through my leg. I am contacting the orthopedic surgeon and well if it doesn't get any better I know he is going to say surgery which "NO thanks" something else. No corodzone shot until March and that's when I go on the cruise. UGH. Well I am going to wait and see what he says and then go from there. Either way I am going on that cruise.

Pink post it paper

I know readers it's another crazy title that has nothing to do with what I am talking about. But it's still fun. Plus this year is all about me doing what I want and that is what I want to do.

Looking ahead to the future and I am actually excited. I have good vibes, no rut and I have hope for the future. Been working on different things and can't wait to get back in the saddle again (figure of speech). I am looking forward for once on taking pictures again. It was a hobby that I so enjoyed and sort of stopped for no apparent reason other than I lost. i recently received a new/used camera Polaroid that I can't wait to see what it can do and how I can manipulate the picture to make it artistic.

In other news things are going good so far with item 1 and can't wait to get to the final. I am still looking forward to adopting. I have thought about this since I was 15 yrs old and really I just want to be a mom. To help someone grow up to be a good person and see what they were meant to do. I would be so happy because I would know that I had a hand in getting them there.

So here's to the final.