Do not pay attention to the person......

Ever have that one person at work that could get away with saying anything inappropriate or not. The same person who plays favorite to "certain" types of people. Have personal conversions and reams people who do the same "set by example". I have one of those; actually I have more than one in my lifetime.

Just had to say it to someone before I said it out loud

Sour apple

Yesterday I must say was a day. I was in a funk..... a really...... just bad mood. My day was good in the beginning until my arrival at work. UGH If it wasn't one thing it was another. I feel at times that my life and talent is wasted.

I'm on my way to be

Thirty-five. Wow that is a big number. I can still remember my 20's and how much I have grown and changed since then. I recently looked at old pictures and rem-anise about the memories those depict. I no longer look at 35 being old but more of a mild stone in my life and a way to look towards the future. I am going to enjoy and make the most of each day. Because tomorrow is not promised so don't expect it.

I have decided to not give myself "must do" list but a suggestion box for the things I truly want to do. For example;

• Travel
• move and make a home
  
• new job
• adopt
• cook more often
• get healthy -already started thanks to a family members encouragement
• get out of my bubble
  
• do more
• start a side business
  

Now that they are written (not in stone) lets see what I can accomplish. I have already begun my list...That's a start.

7 out of 9 is not bad of a start. I am in the works with the other two and it is all contingent on number 3.

Have a great week all.

Nope no idea

* Get energy from “down time”
* Listen more than they speak
* Prefer to speak with one or two people at a time (instead of several people, or a big group)
* Are more detail oriented
* Need more personal space
* Are usually reserved
* Wait to be approached in social situations
* Are reflective and appear calm
* Think before speaking or acting
* Know a lot about a few topics
* Enjoy working alone or with one person

A new business

Over the weekend (Saturday) I took some photos for my brother and his fiance. They were to be engagement pictures for a special project I am working on with my mother. Upon doing this I used to think that photography was just a hobby that I really enjoyed. However, as people look at the book and the photos that I took they expressed that I should take it up as a profession. Something to do on the side for weekends or business ventures. I have done 2 weddings, 1 engagement and photo proofs. I enjoy taking pictures of different things. So when people suggested I get into professionally the first thing that came to mind was "um its just a hobby" second was "What if something happens and my camera fails". So, in the interim of worrying about it I am just going to go word of mouth and do it for friends and family. They seemed to enjoy the finished product.

Now on to finishing the photo book for the engagement/shower party. Another set of engagement photos to follow.

Mess with the bull......

I enjoy the saying "You want to make God laugh tell him what you have planed". I think I am a good person; I don't hurt people intentionally, have malicious tendencies and do right more often then wrong. Yes I have mad road rage and sometimes in angry make comments that I don't regret latter but realize maybe I shouldn't have been so blunt. However, I am honest at times brutally and don't like to think in this life things are just not fair. THEY'RE NOT!!

What is the reason for the aforementioned rant? Where am I going with this? Is this just non-sense that I had to get off my chest?

Well it comes from my realization that I have been going through for the past month about my life. I don't have regrets but I do have one wish that I should have done. Then again my life would be completely different if I had and I like my life maybe not the place I am in but my life has been challenging and educational. At most times fun.

I am calmer and rational when it comes to certain things. I HAVE a moral compass and my ethical line is very visible. I have reconnected with some family members and friends. Don't get me wrong I am still a stubborn bull that stands firm in my beliefs and will fight to prove my point. But at this point I am CHOOSING my battles. I have a new relationship with my mom that grows everyday. We have our ups and downs and agree to disagree when it comes to certain things. I am a reality tv junkie but realize the reason for watching is pure "WHAT ARE THEY THINKING" factor more than "wow this is so real".

So my friends I leave you with this.....be you at all times never compromise who you are because of things around you. Enjoy who you are and be good not only to those around you but to yourself as well. Your not perfect...embrace it!! I finally am.

Bullying...cyber or any

For the past 3 weeks or so I have read about a 15 yr old girl who killed herself due to bullying by her classmates. This really upset me because not only did the school officials know about the attacks, stalking, and threats among other things they sat ideally by and did nothing. This young girl was an immigrant who was liked by many, did well in school and was an all around "good kid". However, due to the constant harassment and non-protection from the school it went to far one day and she left this world. This saddens me because like her I was bullied and harassed as a kid up until 9th grade. The suburb of New England Mass. are now fighting over who's fault it is and who should take responsibility. However, not one person has mentioned the parents of the violators, the officials who were aware and did nothing. In addition the people who watched as she was ridiculed, had objects thrown at her and physically assaulted.

The parents of the violators well one in general has said that her child would never do such a thing but when the cell phone records became available for her to read she went into shock and kept insisting someone took her child's phone. Really, really that is your stance rather than disiplining her and taking charge of "your" child.
Other parents including the victims just want justice for the Phoebe* (name change) and a new set of regulations the school must abide by with consequences.

I hope for justice in regards to Phoebe and her family including anyone who is currently being harassed or bullied.

In grade school I was taunted, harassed and constantly made fun of. There was this one girl who make it her duty to attack me everyday. Not once did it stop when she was absent her minions would do her bidding and then ask what happened on her return. I new then and I still remember why she would do these things to me and although I AM NOT okay with it I understand it. A new girl comes to school and gets a lot of attention and the boy she likes is interested in her. (didn't know that until middle of the school year) On top of that I got more attention than she did because the "choice" boy in our class was thought to be my adopted brother. (That is a story in of itself. ) When we all graduated and went to junior high I had new friends and continued bully on this time I had grown up during the summer and didn't take it. I had told both my parents and they said "Do not start a fight, finish it" to this day I still live by that. I never go looking for a fight and would rather walk away but when push comes to shove I will let me mouth fight a good fight.

The bullying ended after we went to 9th grade only to get a whole new pain. This time it was a boy who took great pleasure in making fun of the entire swim team. Instead of being made and talking back to him (which btw would have been easy seeing as all the boys wore speedos, and you can't hide; is all I'm saying) we turned it on him and used it toward our advantage. Instead of loosing our confidence we embraced it and used the negative for a positive.

I wish someone would have helped Phoebe see the positive and spoke up for her. Possibly by her passing a new law can be passed in her honor to help those still affected by bullying.

Mild stone

I am turning 35 at the end of April and all I can think of is "where did the time go?". I am realizing that in the last 35 years of my life I have graduated college, been on a few vacations and this is the time to start the adoption process. This takes more than a year and since I am working on getting the "right" job it will be the right time for me. I don't want a baby but not a teenager either. I have really thought about this for the past 10 years. I would like to give a home to a child. Now many of you will say that its a lot of work, or why not wait till I get married but in all honestly once "right" job comes around I will have be able to care for and love this child. I believe that the way I grew up and was loved I should share that knowledge. Give a child a chance at what they should be able to accomplish no matter what they want to do with their lives.

Raising kids is hard. I get that if anyone does I do. I helped my mother with my two brothers and that was the best experience that I could have gone through. I believe it is my time to share my life with a child and if/when that person comes along he will just add to that.

I am not saying I am doing it "NOW' but am going to start the classes and get the information. I obviously will not be bringing a child into my home until I feel it is the best it can be for the child and until then I will keep working on me.

The things kids say.......

This is a snippet of when I was in grade school and we had to share something about ourselves. Albeit a favorite TV show, animal or food. The idea was to bring it to school if it was a food or animal or draw a picture if you couldn't. So......

Me being me I brought a shoe box and NO it wasn't because I had a fetish of shoes but the creepy crawly, shell having animals that live in the see. That's right!!! I had crabs.

So as the class was going around the room I got restless and couldn't wait to tell everyone what I had and show them what they ate....From those stupid pictures you couldn't figure out , the dogs oh for the love of dogs and the food they ate that people brought. Mine....mine was the most unique....

Finally, after waiting for what felt like hours I got to share but where's my box. So forgetting where I put my box I stood up in my strawberry shortcake dress my mother made to say aloud to EVERYONE including the principle and the parents "I HAVE CRABS". I was immediately rushed to the nurses office and my mother was called. I couldn't understand what I did wrong and kept asking for my shoe box.

My mother arrived shortly after and asked what happened. After the nurse told my mother what I said and the principle said I had to go home and have that taken care of. My mother laughing hysterically stops and interrupts them both to ask "where's my daughter's shoe box". Appalled the principle says "YOUR DAUGHTER HAS AN STD AND YOUR WORRIED ABOUT A STUPID SHOE BOX!!" My mother is amazing and cools down before saying "Yes her shoe box, where is it". I tell her I left it in the room because I had to hurry out of there. She then takes me back to my class room and gathers my belongings and the shoe box. As she is walking out the door from the way she was treated and not understanding why they didn't listen to me when I told them I needed the box. She goes to my teacher and says "Tomorrow I will accept your apology but until then do not contact me after this" and she shows the box with the Hermit crabs crawling along eating Bologna. My teacher startled tries to apologize and grabs the box from my mother on her way out to try and stop her and shows the principle and announces to the class "Who wants to see Hermit Crabs". My mother being who she is and not going to allow this because the way I was treated and she was goes over to the teachers and says "Maybe at the next show and tell but for right now my daughter and I are going to take her CRABS home"!

My mother and I go out for ice cream and she just laughs and asks me what happened. After I tell her (I'm crying) she consoles and says that I did nothing wrong and was upset that no one listened to me when I told them to look in the box to see the crabs!!

Needless to say my mother and father both got an apology from both the principle, nurse and teacher in written and verbal form. In fact the apology went out to the entire class stating how wrong they were, etc. That's what happens at private schools I guess...

Last night my mother and I were talking about the story and started laughing so much we started crying. If she only new back then how much my mouth would get me in trouble throughout the years.

Dreaming of a....

perfect opportunity. To feel happy about what I do and who I help. I am going back to school this July to continue my education. I am looking at this as a way to better myself and help others.

Overhauling

For the past year I have been stuck in a pathetic rut that I seem to get out of to only realize it was temporary. I recently had a conversation with a family member and had to really dig deep into myself to hinder what I really wanted to say. It wasn't my place nor did I agree with what was going on but at that moment I said to myself; self" This was the year of you and for the past 10 months you have been injured and unhappy. Buck up and get back on the horse there is no reason for you to be in the rut your in.....So things have no gone the way you expect the too....What does? However, it is your life and you need to live it. It's the only one your going to get......So get in gear and make what you want to happen....HAPPEN!!"


Therefore, the conversation went a totally different way that the family member expected because I did not yell (I am a yeller... Italian blood), I spoke rationally and tried to get what I had to say out and listened to the other. He felt it went good however I am still left with a great deal I wanted to say but feel it would fall on DEAF Ears (so to speak). So instead I decided when the conversation was over and left it at that. There was no hug after wards and the tension in the room was dissolved but our relationship has definitely changed. I see that and recognize that what I feel is family is very different than what he does. I guess I am more old school and traditional where he is not.

I feel not free but okay with it to a point and once I get over what I needed and wanted to say. It will be a year of me again.

Thanks for listening to my rant.