Found my calling and it has nothing to do with marine life. Odd I know but in reality I can still fight a good fight for the marine animals I feel are being exploited or killed ruthlessly or otherwise.
All my life, or since I can remember I have always loved a good mystery or to help others. I would be the friend who just listened, took it all in and took it to the grave. That all changed in 9th grade; of course I still listened but when I met whom was to be my best friend in high school on orientation day she felt that she could trust me with her inner most secret. So there it was a secret that wasn't mine to tell but there was no way I could not tell anyone because not only was it hurting her but could potentially hurt another namely her sister. I asked questions and at the end of the day when the "parent" was to pick her up I called my mom and asked if she could stay the night. My mom being the ever charming self said well sure but she would have to ask her mom and I want to meet her mother as well. So we went to her house and my mother got acquainted with my new friends mom and she packed.
While staying over I convinced her to tell her mother the secret she had been harboring and that it could be her sister that will be harmed next. I went with her to school the next day; we had swim practice and spoke with the counselor. They immediately went into action and her mother came to school to speak with the counselor and vice principle. Her mother was horrified as you expect (not the case most times sorry to report) and called an attorney after the police. Her other parental figure was questioned and admitted to doing what my friend had said down to every last detail. The police are smart like that and did a covert call where the victim calls the perp and has him speak about the acts. The abuse had gone on for so long that he figured nothing was wrong. The reason it had was that my new friend didn't have someone she felt she could trust. You see trust is the most precious gift you can give someone because not only are giving the person yourself but also letting that person in to know who you are. Well to have a parent abuse you in that fashion is unimaginable. My new friend had decided that she no longer wanted anything to do with her father nor did her sister and her mother thanked my MOM for helping my new friend. When I asked my mom why did she thank her and not me for helping her daughter she said because "I raised you in such a way that she was thankful for that".
Wow in that moment not only was my mom proud but also I was that my parents had raised me in a way that I didn't think I could get a grown up in trouble but that my friend was being hurt. I trusted my parents to help me with the right decision and not only did I not have to consult them I knew the answer because of how they raised me.
Also because of the experiences I went through I was able to help my friend along in her process. We were best of friends until well that's another story.
So friends remember that listening is the most useful tool we have when being a true friend. Sometimes people just want to be heard.
Thanks for listening!! Btw my calling is helping victims.
July 27, 2010
July 23, 2010
nothing more just me
a no nonsense, bs see through-er, blunt, loyal, odd, mountain dew loving, skotopic, music loving, dancing on the wrong beat, feet taping, penguin addicted, ocean finatic, sodoku doing, Patriots fan, wear what I want to, sing at the top of my lungs, wind blowing in the hair, goofball, photo taking, intuitive, craft doing, movie watching, reading enthusiast person.
What are you into?
What are you into?
July 22, 2010
holy LIGHT BATMAN
Things are falling apart at the office and well everywhere. I now have an interesting film on my car that has made it no longer gray but a musty, dirty brown. By the way my car is gray. For the past month I haven't had time to clean out my car let alone wash it. LOL. I finally have my trunk space free, although all the stuff is just in bags on my room floor.
I haven't been motivated to do really anything and nothing will happen till I get going.
When I walked into work last week the light above my co-workers desk was out of the ceiling on one side and the well let's just say one good jump from someone above it was a goner.
July 21, 2010
Cats out of the bag
Recently I divulged some personal information that was plaguing me for sometime (over 20 years) and after I said what I had to say I woke up the next morning with a pep in my step. I don't know if my pep is due to the opening up and telling something that horrible or the fact that I am no longer the only one with that burden. My father the one I spoke with reacted in a way i didn't expect he would. That was the most important reaction he could have done. I didn't tell him to make him feel bad or get individuals in trouble but having the burden of keeping a secret since childhood for fear of something happening to your immediate family is horrible for child.
In the class I have been taking for the last few weeks it has given me my voice back; not that it ever left. But the feeling that I didn't do anything wrong. Many will ask why no therapy or counseling and really I didn't think I needed it at the time however after dealing with others I realize that the best thing I can do for myself is get counseling which I have decided to do.
I am not concerned with the getting even or putting the "family members/individuals" in jail for they will make their own bed and lay in it. Besides nothing I could have done they haven't done worse to themselves.
Maybe my new leaf on life is that all the things that I am and have done are in spit of the what happened.
In the class I have been taking for the last few weeks it has given me my voice back; not that it ever left. But the feeling that I didn't do anything wrong. Many will ask why no therapy or counseling and really I didn't think I needed it at the time however after dealing with others I realize that the best thing I can do for myself is get counseling which I have decided to do.
I am not concerned with the getting even or putting the "family members/individuals" in jail for they will make their own bed and lay in it. Besides nothing I could have done they haven't done worse to themselves.
Maybe my new leaf on life is that all the things that I am and have done are in spit of the what happened.
July 19, 2010
Dentally Challenged
Ignorance is bliss for sure!! The words "Well I didn't know" or "No one told me" is so common and used in a way that makes my skin crawl. I'll tel you way. It is used to cover something up or put blame on someone else. Ownership of doing wrong is an amiable trait. Good for you taking responsibility for something you did wrong or mistakes made. After all human is to error that is how we learn.
For those who feel you are perfect and feel that nothing you do is ever incorrect. Well I apologize in advance for me being the one to give you the bad news. You who think your poo doesn't stink are in fact most times WRONG!! There I gave it to you like ripping off a band aide. Feel better I do for sure.
I have one of those in my life well more than one and let me tell you I hate having discussions or "arguments" with them because you could be saying the sky is in fact blue and they would just keep on saying no it Silurian. The individual who gets under my skin the most (and btw not because I think I am right all the time because HA I am wrong most of the time) purchased dinner because it was too hot to cook. That was nice very considerate and great idea. Well then I went to take a bit and my brother noticed a nut in the mixture an Almond to be exact. I am severely allergic to Almonds like death and all type of allergic. So, when my brother says "there are almonds in here, she says "Well I didn't know" my answer was "it says Almond Chinese Chicken Salad Wrap"...then crickets. My dad then says "YOU DIDN'T EAT ONE RIGHT", no dad oh father of mine. I didn't. But um I realize you didn't do it on purpose but own up to it, I forgot you were allergic is all you had to say. Not I DIDN'T know.
Let's hear it for those who think you know everything but cop out when you make a mistake. It's annoying to those of us who are in fact perfect and acknowledge mistakes that are made.
Happy MONDAY
For those who feel you are perfect and feel that nothing you do is ever incorrect. Well I apologize in advance for me being the one to give you the bad news. You who think your poo doesn't stink are in fact most times WRONG!! There I gave it to you like ripping off a band aide. Feel better I do for sure.
I have one of those in my life well more than one and let me tell you I hate having discussions or "arguments" with them because you could be saying the sky is in fact blue and they would just keep on saying no it Silurian. The individual who gets under my skin the most (and btw not because I think I am right all the time because HA I am wrong most of the time) purchased dinner because it was too hot to cook. That was nice very considerate and great idea. Well then I went to take a bit and my brother noticed a nut in the mixture an Almond to be exact. I am severely allergic to Almonds like death and all type of allergic. So, when my brother says "there are almonds in here, she says "Well I didn't know" my answer was "it says Almond Chinese Chicken Salad Wrap"...then crickets. My dad then says "YOU DIDN'T EAT ONE RIGHT", no dad oh father of mine. I didn't. But um I realize you didn't do it on purpose but own up to it, I forgot you were allergic is all you had to say. Not I DIDN'T know.
Let's hear it for those who think you know everything but cop out when you make a mistake. It's annoying to those of us who are in fact perfect and acknowledge mistakes that are made.
Happy MONDAY
July 16, 2010
Beyond exhaustion...What is beyond that
BEWARE SENSITIVE INFORMATION
I haven't had a good night sleep in over 2 weeks. Why you ask? What could cause this displacement of my normal sleep pattern? Well that would be the disturbing class I have been taking; Sexual Assault Counseling. Yes, that is correct..The material is at most graphic but the sheer nature of the entire concept is horrifying. I found myself thinking of ways to help young adults on college campus's, young children have an outlet for when a family member does the unspeakable. Just a way to help those that need it the most.
How up until recently (80's) this was even reported. It does affect mostly women but do not misunderstand it does in fact happen to MEN as well. Statistically, men do not report as much as women do for fear and personal reasons. Image if there was a law or place that individuals could go to get the help needed by other survivors; victims who themselves have one through similar not the same but similar situations. There are more than there were a few years ago but still the hidden question in most minds is "Did it really happen". I hate it when people say did you see what she was wearing, or she was drunk and asking for it. I ask you who asks for it?? I get livid and go off the handle when I hear that. It does not matter what a female was wearing, doing, saying..it does not matter. In the class I did learn of a new law that was very interesting and I am sure that most people would not be aware of it. If someone is drunk or has been drinking they cannot consent. Therefore, it would be considered a felony if doing so.
I have personal knowledge and have "been in their" shoes so to speak. And mostly the reason for why I am the way I am now is because of those circumstances. Now what I went through is not as bad as what some young girls go through or women. But it gives some insight on what your mind and body go through. The wall you put up, the not being able to trust so easily, etc.
The class has brought up some issues and dealing with those feelings and reliving it each night has gotten me to wake up punching the air. YES punching the air. I get a frightened breathe and then start hitting the air. Luckily for me I had a great support system with both parents on board and helping me. But in reality I was not believed by anyone but my parents and they were alone. I never felt that it was my fault or guilt in anyway. As an adult today I still think about running of them with my car over them but I digress. I have done my best to move forward and thank my guardian angel for helping with the progress. It hasn't been until this class that I felt I needed to go talk to someone other than my parents. Possibly a professional to work at getting me to trust a little more easily. I have spoken about this to others including additional family members. They were shocked and dismayed by what I told them and promised to keep what happened and who it involved to themselves. No reason to bring it up when I no longer involve myself with that part of the family. I no longer see those people but when I do I become another person. Very rude, harsh and hatred oozes out of me. Karma has caught up with them and I will let GOD sort them out in the end.
I felt the need to share this because maybe someone will read this and think I should report because it may someone out later down the road. Keep in mind this is a snippet for I have put a lot of effort in forgetting the details.
Thanks for listening
I haven't had a good night sleep in over 2 weeks. Why you ask? What could cause this displacement of my normal sleep pattern? Well that would be the disturbing class I have been taking; Sexual Assault Counseling. Yes, that is correct..The material is at most graphic but the sheer nature of the entire concept is horrifying. I found myself thinking of ways to help young adults on college campus's, young children have an outlet for when a family member does the unspeakable. Just a way to help those that need it the most.
How up until recently (80's) this was even reported. It does affect mostly women but do not misunderstand it does in fact happen to MEN as well. Statistically, men do not report as much as women do for fear and personal reasons. Image if there was a law or place that individuals could go to get the help needed by other survivors; victims who themselves have one through similar not the same but similar situations. There are more than there were a few years ago but still the hidden question in most minds is "Did it really happen". I hate it when people say did you see what she was wearing, or she was drunk and asking for it. I ask you who asks for it?? I get livid and go off the handle when I hear that. It does not matter what a female was wearing, doing, saying..it does not matter. In the class I did learn of a new law that was very interesting and I am sure that most people would not be aware of it. If someone is drunk or has been drinking they cannot consent. Therefore, it would be considered a felony if doing so.
I have personal knowledge and have "been in their" shoes so to speak. And mostly the reason for why I am the way I am now is because of those circumstances. Now what I went through is not as bad as what some young girls go through or women. But it gives some insight on what your mind and body go through. The wall you put up, the not being able to trust so easily, etc.
The class has brought up some issues and dealing with those feelings and reliving it each night has gotten me to wake up punching the air. YES punching the air. I get a frightened breathe and then start hitting the air. Luckily for me I had a great support system with both parents on board and helping me. But in reality I was not believed by anyone but my parents and they were alone. I never felt that it was my fault or guilt in anyway. As an adult today I still think about running of them with my car over them but I digress. I have done my best to move forward and thank my guardian angel for helping with the progress. It hasn't been until this class that I felt I needed to go talk to someone other than my parents. Possibly a professional to work at getting me to trust a little more easily. I have spoken about this to others including additional family members. They were shocked and dismayed by what I told them and promised to keep what happened and who it involved to themselves. No reason to bring it up when I no longer involve myself with that part of the family. I no longer see those people but when I do I become another person. Very rude, harsh and hatred oozes out of me. Karma has caught up with them and I will let GOD sort them out in the end.
I felt the need to share this because maybe someone will read this and think I should report because it may someone out later down the road. Keep in mind this is a snippet for I have put a lot of effort in forgetting the details.
Thanks for listening
July 08, 2010
The new world
For a while I have been toying with the idea of going back to school to get my teaching credentials. (Mom I know that you told me a long time ago to get it while I got my bachelors, yep you were right) For the longest time I have thought that maybe just maybe I had a different calling than a S.A.C. (Sexual Assault Counselor) but that I was meant to be with (wait for it) teenagers. They do at times annoy me but what if I had something to teach them, show them or MOLD them into the people they were meant to be. If I had a chance to help them succeed even if it was for one year. I could be the teacher that made a difference to at least one student that would make all the difference.
Now what to teach you ask? Well I was thinking about it for a bit and I have a degree in Criminal Justice and a passion for photography. I still have all my text books from my college years. So hence the idea of teaching private school. Not that I don't love public school I mean that is where I learned and grew.
Would it be challenging? Absolutely. Do I have a passion for it? Absolutely. The curriculum would be different and to find a school that is willing to give a NEW teacher a shot at something they do not have already is for sure a LONG SHOT. But what if I could do this. I would love to teach the fundamentals of criminal justice and not the crap that is HOLLYWOOD. But the real essence of our justice system. That yes a criminal is innocent till proven guilty or are they? Take field trips to court rooms, have them interview lawyers, Police Officers, Judges, see what its like in a precinct, etc. I would love to teach the fundamentals and then some. Exploring the world of forensics, photography, crime scenes and looking at the world of criminals and how their environment molded who they became.
I realize that its all modern what I want to teach and would have to play it to the board of ed and school it self. But how much fun would class be each day exploring the world of Criminalogy.
Would love feedback and any suggestions.
Now what to teach you ask? Well I was thinking about it for a bit and I have a degree in Criminal Justice and a passion for photography. I still have all my text books from my college years. So hence the idea of teaching private school. Not that I don't love public school I mean that is where I learned and grew.
Would it be challenging? Absolutely. Do I have a passion for it? Absolutely. The curriculum would be different and to find a school that is willing to give a NEW teacher a shot at something they do not have already is for sure a LONG SHOT. But what if I could do this. I would love to teach the fundamentals of criminal justice and not the crap that is HOLLYWOOD. But the real essence of our justice system. That yes a criminal is innocent till proven guilty or are they? Take field trips to court rooms, have them interview lawyers, Police Officers, Judges, see what its like in a precinct, etc. I would love to teach the fundamentals and then some. Exploring the world of forensics, photography, crime scenes and looking at the world of criminals and how their environment molded who they became.
I realize that its all modern what I want to teach and would have to play it to the board of ed and school it self. But how much fun would class be each day exploring the world of Criminalogy.
Would love feedback and any suggestions.
July 07, 2010
Up hill battle I am gonna win
For the past year give or take a month I have been a semi avid searcher. I have applying and looking for the big move. What I have realized is that it is a second job that requires a lot of detail and structure. Here's the question can I put that on my resume? That was a rhetorical question but still I am competing against Doctors who have lost their previous employment and really how am I a lonely Bachelor Degree holder to compete with someone with a Masters let alone a Doctorate. Here's how by selling MYSELF being the best I can be on paper.
No I haven't given up it is just going to take longer and until I will continue to be annoyed yet grateful for what I currently have.
No I haven't given up it is just going to take longer and until I will continue to be annoyed yet grateful for what I currently have.
July 06, 2010
It's all relative or possibly negative
Warning: This post contains the word hate or dislike....
I decided to do a post based on the things that get on my nerves, I hate or dislike a great deal.
1. Drivers who do not use their signal. What do you think its for decoration. Use it once in a while it should cut down on the amount of horns and fingers you receive in a day.
2. People who bring kids to a movie then proceed to discuss the movie while it is going on. I am all for bringing your children to "children" movies but do not I repeat do NOT share with the entire class that the book had this in it and not that. Who cares some people have chosen to go the movies just to enjoy a movie.
3. People who speak about things they believe are true or have strong opinions on however do not let others express their opinion back.
4. Those that preach to you even after you have asked them not to or you have walked away from them. I think it is great you have a belief or you believe in something however I do not express mine to you therefore do not do your to me. Unless asked too.
5. I hate that I continually interrupt people. I try not too and when I do it I recognize it and shut up. I have realized where it comes from and am working on it but really I hate when I do that.
6. those of you who think you know everything annoy those who really do. Shut up. Going to school doesn't mean you know everything that is why you go to school to learn and when you get out into the world you continue learning. No one knows everything. Show respect when talking with others and have a conversation not a one-way rant of knowledge you so profoundly think your sharing. Because most people have already tuned you out and are thinking about ways to get away from you.
7. Society you treat people horribly and make fun of them based on looks or status. No one is asking your opinion or what you think and therefore do not deserve to be called names, beat up or trashed. Karma will meet you and when it does I hope to see it.
Those are just a few things that I wanted to get off my chest. Remember this is a blog about what is on my mind and I am not trying to put anything into anyone persons head.
I decided to do a post based on the things that get on my nerves, I hate or dislike a great deal.
1. Drivers who do not use their signal. What do you think its for decoration. Use it once in a while it should cut down on the amount of horns and fingers you receive in a day.
2. People who bring kids to a movie then proceed to discuss the movie while it is going on. I am all for bringing your children to "children" movies but do not I repeat do NOT share with the entire class that the book had this in it and not that. Who cares some people have chosen to go the movies just to enjoy a movie.
3. People who speak about things they believe are true or have strong opinions on however do not let others express their opinion back.
4. Those that preach to you even after you have asked them not to or you have walked away from them. I think it is great you have a belief or you believe in something however I do not express mine to you therefore do not do your to me. Unless asked too.
5. I hate that I continually interrupt people. I try not too and when I do it I recognize it and shut up. I have realized where it comes from and am working on it but really I hate when I do that.
6. those of you who think you know everything annoy those who really do. Shut up. Going to school doesn't mean you know everything that is why you go to school to learn and when you get out into the world you continue learning. No one knows everything. Show respect when talking with others and have a conversation not a one-way rant of knowledge you so profoundly think your sharing. Because most people have already tuned you out and are thinking about ways to get away from you.
7. Society you treat people horribly and make fun of them based on looks or status. No one is asking your opinion or what you think and therefore do not deserve to be called names, beat up or trashed. Karma will meet you and when it does I hope to see it.
Those are just a few things that I wanted to get off my chest. Remember this is a blog about what is on my mind and I am not trying to put anything into anyone persons head.
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