No more caffeine. I have given it up completely. Except chocolate, really..really you thought I would give up my indulgence of creamy milk chocolate. Silly peeps this is Gina not some random crazy person. Since giving up the "caffeine" I have noticed many things. How much I miss Mountain Dew and what it did for my drowsiness, taste (duh), bubbles. I am one of those people who craves bubbles and soon that is my next endeavor. Once I have fully recovered from giving up the "caffeine" I am going to kick bubbles altogether. Why you ask? Well I need to get used to no bubbles and if get rid of the craving then later in life I will be fine about it.
In a previous blog I had mentioned changes are coming. Boy changes are a comin for sure. So this is the first of many..
On a weirder note last night I had a dream about the house I grew up in. I loved everything about that house. I could walk around that house and not run into anything, I new the creeks, sounds, animals, everything about this house. I miss that house. It was the only time I felt at home. Even today I live somewhere but its not home. My memories are in my Lakewood home.
First boyfriend, kiss, all my friends (who no longer live around there), school memories, the crazy pictures of boys on the walls. It encompassed home to me. It's what I want for my children a sense of home. That feeling you get when you are going home to comfort, a shielding mechanism from life. I dreamt of that last night. How I needed that mechanism during my dream, I felt as if my world was crumbling and didn't know what to do so I automatically think of home and that's where I go. Not necessarily with "both" parents there because that's never going to happen just home "MY" home.
A safe "HAVEN" if you will that will always be there just not for me any longer because some other family or person has the opportunity to make memories in my childhood home. That's exactly what that is my "childhood" home and at times I think it would be easier if I were a child. But most children wish they were older...I am not talking about revert back to childhood just it was easier. Mainly at times I am just tired of fighting and not getting any results. Like I want someone on my side to help with the fight. UGH irony how I hate you....
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